[ we're not gonna think too hard about why, when, or how this is happening. it just is!!! which means, in some timeline out there, ichiban ended up blowing it with saeko again, but it's ok, he's resilient and mature and stronger than that! but... maybe it's time he moved on...
so, for no particular reason, as he and todomatsu are hanging out in a bar somewhere, he idly offers: ]
Hey, Todo-chan... y'know how people make jokes and stuff, like, "if we're both still single in five years, the two of us should just get together"?
[ ok yeah it's what it sounded like. even having assumed this was what was coming, he's still caught a little off guard by this sudden handholding when he just set his glass down half a second before. ]
...Uh.
[ glances around, no one is looking over here, are they?? ]
Yeah, I guess that is... a thing we could do... [ ... ] Are we still talking five years here?
[ the thing about ichiban is that once he's set his mind on something, even if he hasn't fully thought it through, he commits. he remembers the way todomatsu had originally expressed not minding kissing him, way back when, and how neither of them seemed to be thrown off then, so, like... ]
Doesn't have to be. In fact... I was kinda hoping you'd agree we could just skip the meet-cute phase and everything. I'm already ride or die for you, after all! [ a beat, before he continues, now a little sheepish... ] And, uh... not like I'm gettin' any younger, hehe.
[ well. it's true that todomatsu had come around to not minding the idea; he'd even been the one to suggest it, for... some reason he still can't fully explain. but he hadn't had any intention of it leading to anything else. probably. fuck, he REALLY can't explain that.
he also can't deny that it's nice to have someone actually make an offer to him instead of the other way around for once in his fucking life, and maybe there's a little bit of an excited feeling that's suddenly fluttering around inside him like a drunk-ass butterfly at the idea.
but springing something like that out of nowhere? —well, he saw that confession memory, he guesses he shouldn't be surprised by that part, like, at all. but how serious of a thing is he thinking? like, monogamy??? is he supposed to permanently commit to the BL life when he's still never touched a woman?? though if he keeps waiting for that opportunity, he's probably just going to be alone for the rest of his life.
godddddd he wasn't prepared to think about this! he's had kind of a lot to drink, he probably shouldn't be making big decisions right now at all!! ]
Um... well, okay, how about— we do... this...
[ oh, he can feel the flush in his cheeks — which is probably like, 60% the alcohol, but still — and the way he's smiling a little in spite of himself, and he has to turn his head to the side out of embarrassment since he doesn't have a free hand to cover his mouth with. ]
...but with the mutual understanding that if a really amazing woman shows serious interest in one of us, that takes precedence and we're obligated to switch to wingmanning for the other if asked.
[ which, like. that's probably never going to happen given their track records so far, and he knows it, but. it would still feel less scary to know he's not necessarily locking himself out of the heterosexual experience forever. ]
[ for a moment, ichiban hangs on todomatsu's every word, every pause with bated breath. it's a familiar feeling, something akin to what he'd felt after he poured his heart out to saeko, only... he thinks he's in her shoes this time? and that's kind of weird, all things considered. it actually makes him a little self-conscious to watch totty try to work this proposal out himself...
but then totty flushes and smiles and stammers out that stipulation, and he can't help but let out a hearty laugh. it's just—such an honest reaction that it legitimately kind of charms him. he likes the fact that todomatsu is able to be himself around him, that he doesn't have to worry about keeping up appearances or expectations when it's clear he's not going anywhere. ]
My feelings wouldn't even be hurt, man! Like, realistically speaking, maybe I'd be a little bummed and jealous at first... but in the end, you being happy is all I want. If it's with me, great! If it's not, hey, life'll go on. I'll bounce back from it, just like everything else.
[ he gives totty's hand another little squeeze, this time throwing in a cheeky wink, too. ]
Besides, even then, do you think dumping me would get me out of your life? You might not be on my route anymore, but I'll still be a side character.
Yeah, I know. [ squeezes his hand back. ] One way or another, I'm stuck with you for life.
[ which is frankly still kind of baffling to him. like, sure, he's stuck with all of his brothers for life too, but none of them got a say in that. the idea of someone sticking around when they have no obligation to do so is already tough to wrap his head around at all, and even more so when they're this serious about it.
he sucks, actually! he's a lazy, selfish asshole! cuteness and cunning are pretty much all he's got going for him! why the hell would anyone who knows what he's actually like want to be around him any longer than necessary?!
...but this is ichiban, who couldn't be insincere or half-assed about something like this to save his life. so even if he doesn't understand it, he doesn't doubt it, either. it's nice, being able to feel that secure about something.
so if they're on the same page about the theoretical future het homewrecking situation... he guesses that settles it, huh? ]
Then... yeah, okay. I guess we're doing this!
[ a beat, and he quickly glances around again just to make sure no one he knows from home has wandered in here during the last couple of minutes or something. not being self-conscious around ichiban doesn't mean he isn't still self-conscious about what everyone else is thinking when they see him, and he wants to have full control over how and when the people in his life find out about this.
but once he's confirmed there are no other familiar faces, he leans in a little and lowers his voice to where he's just audible over the background noise of the bar. ]
Geez, you don't have to sound so excited about it.
[ though his playful laughter quiets after a few moments, the smile never leaves his face. as he looks at todomatsu, he realizes he actually feels kind of jittery, in a good way. like, sure, there's probably something to be said about how strange this much look to outsiders, but... since when has he ever cared about what other people think about him?
(maybe he'll impart that onto totty someday. strong maybe.)
before he lets the moment slip away, he leans in to kiss todomatsu, his lips as warm and red as his cheeks. ]
[ mm... this definitely feels different from the one other time they did this, back when it was just a simple (but still kind of inexplicable) one-bro-to-another thing. as chaste of a kiss as it is, it gets that imaginary drunk butterfly in his stomach beating its stupid wings faster, and if they weren't out in public right now, he thinks he'd be tempted to take it further instead of just returning it.
which— no, actually, he's not going to think too hard right now about what this excited reaction says about him, because they are in public, so it's irrelevant! agreeing to this as a mutual fallback plan just makes him heteroflexible; anything beyond that can probably be attributed to the alcohol and his being a desperate virgin.
he lingers for a moment before pulling back, then lightly clears his throat as he straightens back up, face flushed again. ]
[ despite it being brief, ichiban picks up on todomatsu's hesitation before they part, breathing out a puff of air. he's always been perceptive, understanding the sides of people they don't wear on their sleeves like he does.
though... it doesn't really take much to guess what might be on totty's mind. he, too, is a virgin who's just had his first real (?) kiss, after all. he scratches his cheek as he follows in a hushed tone, ]
...Is it weird that I, uh, kinda wanna do that again?
I mean, I'm pretty freakin' cute, I think it'd be weirder if you didn't.
[ but it comes off less like his usual vanity and more like he's trying to force himself to stay in character with an obligatory quip while actually asking himself the same question.
he takes a sip of his drink before looking back over. ]
...Wanna close out the tab and go someplace else when we're done with this round?
[ ichiban lets out a laugh as lightly baps totty's shoulder... before, without really thinking, brushing his knuckles along todomatsu's arm and feeling like something catches in his throat. uh. whoa. better drink up, he guesses! ]
...Sounds like a plan. [ trying not to pay too much attention to the heat lingering on his face, he downs the rest of his glass and places some bills on the counter. ] Where, uh... where were you thinking?
[ oh, he was trying to be cool about it and not look too eager; he still has like, 2/3 of this drink left.
well. DOWNS IT REALLY FAST TOO, THEN... he slams the empty glass back down on the counter a little harder than he actually intends to and exhales, the red in his cheeks only getting more pronounced. ]
Uh, didn't think that far ahead yet. [ ... ] Definitely not my house.
[ six guys sharing one bedroom means bringing someone back home for a makeout session is not an option, and now that he's thinking about it, it's actually kind of pathetic that this has never come up as an actual issue that's needed to be addressed for any of them before now. ]
[ things totty will never have to worry about: looking desperate when ichiban is around. half because ichiban isn't the kind of person to ever judge someone else; half because... well. he is pretty desperate himself, he's just so sincere about it that it kind of cancels out??? ]
Yeah, uh... not exactly ideal. [ he rubs the back of his neck, thinking... ] How about my place, then? It's not anything special, and it isn't all that spacious, but...we won't be bothered.
[ i've just now realized we didn't explicitly say which universe this is taking place in WHATEVER IT'S JUST ALL ONE GENERIC JAPAN NOW IT'S FINE!!! ]
[ IT'S FINE IT'S SPRACE UNIVERSE they can worldhop for dates or just hang on the eudora i guess. for simplicity's sake we can just say they're already in ichiban's japan rn
god, he can't even imagine living in a place where you never have to worry about being bothered, that sounds amazing. not to mention there's practically no risk of running into anyone from home in the street on the way there this way. it makes it a much better and less embarrassing plan than going to a fucking love hotel for this, which was the other option his drunk mind had started to formulate.
he nods. ]
Yeah, that sounds good!
[ putting a hand on the counter to steady himself as he stands up... downing most of that drink in a few seconds was sure a choice he made. ]
[ without missing a beat, ichiban reaches out to help stabilize todomatsu, one hand going to totty's shoulder while the other rests at the small of his back. there's a part of him that notices a little flutter in his chest when he realizes how... intimate a simple gesture like this seems now, but it's quickly pushed from the forefront of his mind as he refocuses his attention to his...hm.
they can figure out the terminology for this situation later, probably. ]
Hey, are you gonna be okay? [ . . . ] Want me to carry you?
[ i wish i could say this was his way of flirting but no this is just sincere concern, at least for now. ]
If you say so, man. I'm just saying, it wouldn't be very cute of you to trip and eat shit on the sidewalk.
[ but he lets it go for now. if totty says he's okay, then he'll trust that to be the case! off to the train station they go, then, to ichiban's corner of the map. after stopping by a convenience store to pick up a couple of water bottles after the ride, they continue onward into the city. the surrounding area really doesn't leave much to the imagination with its neon lights—he'd mentioned being born and raised in a red light district, and it seems like the same has held true for his adult life, too, because...
I'm makin' the best out of what I got, man! Besides, would you rather take a bath outside or in the presence of five other dudes and your parents?
[ he ushers totty toward the entrance to his flat before any other commentary can be made... ]
All things considered, it's a pretty good arrangement. I don't pay rent, I don't have roommates, and above all else, I have a roof over my head...
[ he heads over to the sofa against the wall, taking a seat as he rests against one of the arms. there's a moment of hesitation before he decides to open his legs a little, but he'll ultimately leave it up to totty on where he chooses to sit. ]
[ he takes baths with a bunch of dudes every night at a public bathhouse (usually including his five brothers and sometimes his father) and it's fine so he would choose the latter actually????
the interior... is definitely more inviting than the exterior, at least, and as a showa era gag anime relic himself, he can kind of appreciate the vintage character and the bright colors if he squints, but. christ. at least that ratty old one-room with no furniture that he'd lived in for a while had been intended to be used as a residence. ]
Well, at least you're not overpaying...
[ but despite his misgivings about the setting, he comes over and sits on the other side of the couch, where he twists the cap off one of the water bottles and takes a drink.
glancing over at what appears to be the strip club storage corner... ]
Leftovers from this place's former life as a storage shed for one of the clubs downstairs. At first, I kept saying I was too busy to find the time to toss stuff out, but... after a while, I kind of got attached to the lot, heh. Whenever I see that stuff, I get reminded of the girls who helped raise me, and it helps the place feel more like home.
[ to his benefit, while there is a fond sense of nostalgia that washes over his face at first, he quickly remembers why they came here to begin with and starts to stammer a little. WHAT IF TOTTY STARTS THINKING ABOUT STRIPPERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM MAKING OUT... THIS IS A LEGITIMATE THING HE HAS TO CONSIDER ]
Does it, uh, weird you out? I can take some stuff off the walls, at least!
[ on one hand, he kind of gets it. back on the eudora he'd gotten those clothes that looked like his brothers' and left them lying around his room so he could pretend he wasn't alone and so far away from everything familiar.
on the other, he does not want to be thinking about his family at all while he's making out with someone, and he feels like the people who raised you should kind of fall into that same category??? ]
Uh... if you're going to be bringing me over here as a regular thing, we're definitely going to need to do some redecorating eventually, but. It's fine for now.
[ ...actually, with all the money they got from that space nightmare, can't one of them just buy a place somewhere? logistics to consider for later when he's sober.
he takes another drink of water, then sets the bottle down on the coffee table and turns away from the shelves and toward ichiban. ]
If I end up paying that much attention to the walls in the middle of everything we've probably got bigger problems.
[ bold of you to assume ichiban would use his sprace money to benefit himself lol lmao
that sort of talk is neither here nor there, though, especially when totty faces him proper. in theory, he knows what to do—and it's not like he needs to worry about embarrassing himself since he knows damn well that they're both in the same loser boat here—but it's only now really hitting him that he's just brought someone home for the express purpose of further establishing a relationship by way of making out.
a ]
Yeah, haha, good point...
[ he sheepishly laughs again, bringing his hand up to the back of his head to muss up his own unruly mane... there's a solid thirty seconds where he doesn't follow up with anything, simply flicking his gaze between todomatsu's eyes and lips until he feels himself starting to go cross-eyed.
it's at this point that he shuts his own to take a deep breath.
"c'mon, ichi, get it together! you've gotten this far, you can't let todo-chan start having second thoughts when you're the one who came up with this whole arrangement in the first place! whew . . . okay! let's do this! time to rank up that heart meter!"
opening his eyes back up with a new sense of fiery resolve—like a true protagonist, you might say— he nods and grins before leaning forward and draping his arms on top of todomatsu's shoulders, bringing him in for another kiss. ]
[ totty like that's fine just use it to benefit me then
todomatsu spends that whole thirty seconds just looking back at ichiban expectantly, slowly raising his eyebrows fifteen seconds in as his patience starts to wear. (too long, he finds himself thinking, though unlike the episode segments they've done where excessively drawing things out is an intentional gag, he keeps the thought to himself... and then quickly pushes it away before he really does get stuck thinking about his brothers.) it's not like he's even opposed to taking the initiative himself — and he's very aware that he's the more dominant of the two of them in many respects, despite appearances — but the longer this goes on, the more he feels like he needs to see just how long it will take for anything to happen without him doing the prompting.
when ichiban finally does make his move, todomatsu exhales with relief and smiles, easily allowing himself be brought in closer. he puts one hand against his chest (which like, this isn't news to him given how many times they've hugged and slept next to each other, but damn, the guy's solid) as he leans in to close the remaining distance between them. he tilts his head a little for a better angle and parts his lips, a much more enthusiastic response than he was willing to give earlier when he had reason to be self-conscious.
it's actually very freeing to know that he doesn't have to worry about either his partner or outside observers judging his performance. ]
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so, for no particular reason, as he and todomatsu are hanging out in a bar somewhere, he idly offers: ]
Hey, Todo-chan... y'know how people make jokes and stuff, like, "if we're both still single in five years, the two of us should just get together"?
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lowers his glass slowly. ]
I've heard that in movies and stuff, yeah.
[ he can't personally make this joke because his whole social circle at home is his brothers and atsushi. ]
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[ here he takes both of totty's hands in his own, grasping them a little too tightly for this to just be a joke. ]
We don't have to settle for being bachelors forever, man. You know what I'm saying?
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...Uh.
[ glances around, no one is looking over here, are they?? ]
Yeah, I guess that is... a thing we could do... [ ... ] Are we still talking five years here?
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Doesn't have to be. In fact... I was kinda hoping you'd agree we could just skip the meet-cute phase and everything. I'm already ride or die for you, after all! [ a beat, before he continues, now a little sheepish... ] And, uh... not like I'm gettin' any younger, hehe.
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he also can't deny that it's nice to have someone actually make an offer to him instead of the other way around for once in his fucking life, and maybe there's a little bit of an excited feeling that's suddenly fluttering around inside him like a drunk-ass butterfly at the idea.
but springing something like that out of nowhere? —well, he saw that confession memory, he guesses he shouldn't be surprised by that part, like, at all. but how serious of a thing is he thinking? like, monogamy??? is he supposed to permanently commit to the BL life when he's still never touched a woman?? though if he keeps waiting for that opportunity, he's probably just going to be alone for the rest of his life.
godddddd he wasn't prepared to think about this! he's had kind of a lot to drink, he probably shouldn't be making big decisions right now at all!! ]
Um... well, okay, how about— we do... this...
[ oh, he can feel the flush in his cheeks — which is probably like, 60% the alcohol, but still — and the way he's smiling a little in spite of himself, and he has to turn his head to the side out of embarrassment since he doesn't have a free hand to cover his mouth with. ]
...but with the mutual understanding that if a really amazing woman shows serious interest in one of us, that takes precedence and we're obligated to switch to wingmanning for the other if asked.
[ which, like. that's probably never going to happen given their track records so far, and he knows it, but. it would still feel less scary to know he's not necessarily locking himself out of the heterosexual experience forever. ]
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but then totty flushes and smiles and stammers out that stipulation, and he can't help but let out a hearty laugh. it's just—such an honest reaction that it legitimately kind of charms him. he likes the fact that todomatsu is able to be himself around him, that he doesn't have to worry about keeping up appearances or expectations when it's clear he's not going anywhere. ]
My feelings wouldn't even be hurt, man! Like, realistically speaking, maybe I'd be a little bummed and jealous at first... but in the end, you being happy is all I want. If it's with me, great! If it's not, hey, life'll go on. I'll bounce back from it, just like everything else.
[ he gives totty's hand another little squeeze, this time throwing in a cheeky wink, too. ]
Besides, even then, do you think dumping me would get me out of your life? You might not be on my route anymore, but I'll still be a side character.
no subject
Yeah, I know. [ squeezes his hand back. ] One way or another, I'm stuck with you for life.
[ which is frankly still kind of baffling to him. like, sure, he's stuck with all of his brothers for life too, but none of them got a say in that. the idea of someone sticking around when they have no obligation to do so is already tough to wrap his head around at all, and even more so when they're this serious about it.
he sucks, actually! he's a lazy, selfish asshole! cuteness and cunning are pretty much all he's got going for him! why the hell would anyone who knows what he's actually like want to be around him any longer than necessary?!
...but this is ichiban, who couldn't be insincere or half-assed about something like this to save his life. so even if he doesn't understand it, he doesn't doubt it, either. it's nice, being able to feel that secure about something.
so if they're on the same page about the theoretical future het homewrecking situation... he guesses that settles it, huh? ]
Then... yeah, okay. I guess we're doing this!
[ a beat, and he quickly glances around again just to make sure no one he knows from home has wandered in here during the last couple of minutes or something. not being self-conscious around ichiban doesn't mean he isn't still self-conscious about what everyone else is thinking when they see him, and he wants to have full control over how and when the people in his life find out about this.
but once he's confirmed there are no other familiar faces, he leans in a little and lowers his voice to where he's just audible over the background noise of the bar. ]
You can kiss me if you want to.
no subject
[ though his playful laughter quiets after a few moments, the smile never leaves his face. as he looks at todomatsu, he realizes he actually feels kind of jittery, in a good way. like, sure, there's probably something to be said about how strange this much look to outsiders, but... since when has he ever cared about what other people think about him?
(maybe he'll impart that onto totty someday. strong maybe.)
before he lets the moment slip away, he leans in to kiss todomatsu, his lips as warm and red as his cheeks. ]
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which— no, actually, he's not going to think too hard right now about what this excited reaction says about him, because they are in public, so it's irrelevant! agreeing to this as a mutual fallback plan just makes him heteroflexible; anything beyond that can probably be attributed to the alcohol and his being a desperate virgin.
he lingers for a moment before pulling back, then lightly clears his throat as he straightens back up, face flushed again. ]
...All right, the pact is sealed.
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though... it doesn't really take much to guess what might be on totty's mind. he, too, is a virgin who's just had his first real (?) kiss, after all. he scratches his cheek as he follows in a hushed tone, ]
...Is it weird that I, uh, kinda wanna do that again?
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[ but it comes off less like his usual vanity and more like he's trying to force himself to stay in character with an obligatory quip while actually asking himself the same question.
he takes a sip of his drink before looking back over. ]
...Wanna close out the tab and go someplace else when we're done with this round?
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[ ichiban lets out a laugh as lightly baps totty's shoulder... before, without really thinking, brushing his knuckles along todomatsu's arm and feeling like something catches in his throat. uh. whoa. better drink up, he guesses! ]
...Sounds like a plan. [ trying not to pay too much attention to the heat lingering on his face, he downs the rest of his glass and places some bills on the counter. ] Where, uh... where were you thinking?
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well. DOWNS IT REALLY FAST TOO, THEN... he slams the empty glass back down on the counter a little harder than he actually intends to and exhales, the red in his cheeks only getting more pronounced. ]
Uh, didn't think that far ahead yet. [ ... ] Definitely not my house.
[ six guys sharing one bedroom means bringing someone back home for a makeout session is not an option, and now that he's thinking about it, it's actually kind of pathetic that this has never come up as an actual issue that's needed to be addressed for any of them before now. ]
no subject
Yeah, uh... not exactly ideal. [ he rubs the back of his neck, thinking... ] How about my place, then? It's not anything special, and it isn't all that spacious, but...we won't be bothered.
[ i've just now realized we didn't explicitly say which universe this is taking place in WHATEVER IT'S JUST ALL ONE GENERIC JAPAN NOW IT'S FINE!!! ]
no subject
god, he can't even imagine living in a place where you never have to worry about being bothered, that sounds amazing. not to mention there's practically no risk of running into anyone from home in the street on the way there this way. it makes it a much better and less embarrassing plan than going to a fucking love hotel for this, which was the other option his drunk mind had started to formulate.
he nods. ]
Yeah, that sounds good!
[ putting a hand on the counter to steady himself as he stands up... downing most of that drink in a few seconds was sure a choice he made. ]
no subject
they can figure out the terminology for this situation later, probably. ]
Hey, are you gonna be okay? [ . . . ] Want me to carry you?
[ i wish i could say this was his way of flirting but no this is just sincere concern, at least for now. ]
no subject
Oh.
[ he stifles a laugh and shakes his head, waving his hands dismissively. ]
Thanks, but I've been so much drunker than this and got where I needed to go just fine, don't worry.
[ pats his arm. ]
C'mon, let's go. Lead the way.
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[ but he lets it go for now. if totty says he's okay, then he'll trust that to be the case! off to the train station they go, then, to ichiban's corner of the map. after stopping by a convenience store to pick up a couple of water bottles after the ride, they continue onward into the city. the surrounding area really doesn't leave much to the imagination with its neon lights—he'd mentioned being born and raised in a red light district, and it seems like the same has held true for his adult life, too, because...
well, he wouldn't blame totty for thinking they were at a love hotel after all. ]
Welcome to Casa de Kasuga.
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suddenly having second thoughts ]
...You have a bathtub outside!
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I'm makin' the best out of what I got, man! Besides, would you rather take a bath outside or in the presence of five other dudes and your parents?
[ he ushers totty toward the entrance to his flat before any other commentary can be made... ]
All things considered, it's a pretty good arrangement. I don't pay rent, I don't have roommates, and above all else, I have a roof over my head...
[ he heads over to the sofa against the wall, taking a seat as he rests against one of the arms. there's a moment of hesitation before he decides to open his legs a little, but he'll ultimately leave it up to totty on where he chooses to sit. ]
Can't really ask for more than that, right?
no subject
the interior... is definitely more inviting than the exterior, at least, and as a showa era gag anime relic himself, he can kind of appreciate the vintage character and the bright colors if he squints, but. christ. at least that ratty old one-room with no furniture that he'd lived in for a while had been intended to be used as a residence. ]
Well, at least you're not overpaying...
[ but despite his misgivings about the setting, he comes over and sits on the other side of the couch, where he twists the cap off one of the water bottles and takes a drink.
glancing over at what appears to be the strip club storage corner... ]
What's the deal with all that stuff?
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[ to his benefit, while there is a fond sense of nostalgia that washes over his face at first, he quickly remembers why they came here to begin with and starts to stammer a little. WHAT IF TOTTY STARTS THINKING ABOUT STRIPPERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM MAKING OUT... THIS IS A LEGITIMATE THING HE HAS TO CONSIDER ]
Does it, uh, weird you out? I can take some stuff off the walls, at least!
no subject
on the other, he does not want to be thinking about his family at all while he's making out with someone, and he feels like the people who raised you should kind of fall into that same category??? ]
Uh... if you're going to be bringing me over here as a regular thing, we're definitely going to need to do some redecorating eventually, but. It's fine for now.
[ ...actually, with all the money they got from that space nightmare, can't one of them just buy a place somewhere? logistics to consider for later when he's sober.
he takes another drink of water, then sets the bottle down on the coffee table and turns away from the shelves and toward ichiban. ]
If I end up paying that much attention to the walls in the middle of everything we've probably got bigger problems.
no subject
that sort of talk is neither here nor there, though, especially when totty faces him proper. in theory, he knows what to do—and it's not like he needs to worry about embarrassing himself since he knows damn well that they're both in the same loser boat here—but it's only now really hitting him that he's just brought someone home for the express purpose of further establishing a relationship by way of making out.
a ]
Yeah, haha, good point...
[ he sheepishly laughs again, bringing his hand up to the back of his head to muss up his own unruly mane... there's a solid thirty seconds where he doesn't follow up with anything, simply flicking his gaze between todomatsu's eyes and lips until he feels himself starting to go cross-eyed.
it's at this point that he shuts his own to take a deep breath.
"c'mon, ichi, get it together! you've gotten this far, you can't let todo-chan start having second thoughts when you're the one who came up with this whole arrangement in the first place! whew . . . okay! let's do this! time to rank up that heart meter!"
opening his eyes back up with a new sense of fiery resolve—like a true protagonist, you might say— he nods and grins before leaning forward and draping his arms on top of todomatsu's shoulders, bringing him in for another kiss. ]
no subject
todomatsu spends that whole thirty seconds just looking back at ichiban expectantly, slowly raising his eyebrows fifteen seconds in as his patience starts to wear. (too long, he finds himself thinking, though unlike the episode segments they've done where excessively drawing things out is an intentional gag, he keeps the thought to himself... and then quickly pushes it away before he really does get stuck thinking about his brothers.) it's not like he's even opposed to taking the initiative himself — and he's very aware that he's the more dominant of the two of them in many respects, despite appearances — but the longer this goes on, the more he feels like he needs to see just how long it will take for anything to happen without him doing the prompting.
when ichiban finally does make his move, todomatsu exhales with relief and smiles, easily allowing himself be brought in closer. he puts one hand against his chest (which like, this isn't news to him given how many times they've hugged and slept next to each other, but damn, the guy's solid) as he leans in to close the remaining distance between them. he tilts his head a little for a better angle and parts his lips, a much more enthusiastic response than he was willing to give earlier when he had reason to be self-conscious.
it's actually very freeing to know that he doesn't have to worry about either his partner or outside observers judging his performance. ]